So you wanna be a Beauty Queen?
Our Sages derived that Queen Esther was among the four most beautiful women in the Torah alongside Sarah, Rachel and Avigael. However, with a complexion “pale with a tint of green” as she was described, that’s hardly a definition of beauty!
Further, how is it possible that King Ahasuerus, Ruler of Persia, the greatest empire of his time, conquerer of 127 countries; one who assuredly had access to the most striking and gorgeous women in the world, pick Esther to be his Queen?
We are told so beautiful and endearing was Esther that everyone who looked at her assumed that she was of their nation — Since Esther did not to reveal her identity, no-one knew of her roots yet everyone thought she was of the same cultural and nationalistic origin as them.
The Torah explains everyone who saw Esther saw their own light and inner essence reflected in her. In another words, Esther revealed and elevated the beauty of every person she meets.
From here we learn the definition of true beauty —someone who awakens the Divine in you. Someone who has the ability to make you feel complete, worthy, and beautiful. As if to say you are perfect the way you are.
When Esther looked at Ahasuerus, she revealed his good and his infinite potential which made him feel instantly greater, stronger and more powerful. Ahasuerus saw his own greatness and worth reflected in her eyes and it elevated him. As a result, she became irresistible to him.
Conversely, Michal, the wife of King David, looked at her husband in disgust when she saw him dancing with the commoners on the street. A behaviour she deemed lowly and inappropriate for royalty.
The Torah described Michal at that moment as the Daughter of King Shaul, instead of the Wife of King David, to tell us that she severed her intimacy with her husband and stepped out of her marriage. She abandoned her role as a wife and chose instead to remain the child of her father. Needless to say, her marriage suffered.
When you look at your husband, or anyone else, do you look at him with the eyes of Esther or those of Michal?
Does your husband feel stronger, smarter, more talented, capable and handsome when you look at him? Or does he feel smaller, lesser and unworthy? Do you celebrate him or do you nick-pick his every move?
Often we hear women say, “Oh but you don’t know, my husband is so….
..loud, insensitive, rude, dramatic, annoying, nerve-wrecking, stupid, dense, mean… “ The list goes on as though he’s neither worthy of your respect or kindness. Never mind admiration.
Some of us even confuse love with criticisms, particularly if we grew up in homes where criticisms, nagging, yelling, manipulation, even neglect with love. It is easy to blame our lot in life.
How then did an orphan like Esther, a woman with a less than ideal beginning has the inner strength to rise above her circumstance? Surely any psychologist would have bet on her doom. Instead, instead Esther was described as the “morning dew” soothing and refreshing to those around her. Her secret?
Esther neither wallow in the fact that she lost both parents at a tender age nor the fact that she was forced to marry against her will. She chose simply to live in the present with complete faith and trust in G-D.
She knew that if this is what G-D gave her, it must then be exactly what she needed to fulfil her purpose and mission in life. There was no doubt, no wallowing and no resisting. She simply surrendered.
As a result of Esther’s wisdom and action, AM YISROEL CHAI. We live on.
May this be the first of the eternal Purim we will celebrate altogether in the HolyLand that is our Destiny.