Parenting Tip: How To Be A Hypocrite
In all of my coaching career, I've used joy as a compass to guide those in need. Yet when faced with an emotionally challenging situation in my parenting, I turned into… a joy-less being.
My beloved husband and I agree on almost every aspect of our shared parenthood, Thanks G-D, except one — how much screen time is appropriate for a child.
I want zero web-surfing in the house, he thinks a little Tik-Tok hurts no one.
I think it futile to expose my little holy neshama (soul) to anything unbefitting of a growing child. He feels it necessary to let kids be kids, especially if they beg!
How do you expect a child to excel in the mundane school learning, when he's accustomed to the incessantly flashy fast paced multi-media?
How do we perpetuate or maintain the sanctity of a home and the sacredness of a holy tradition if we continuously assault our young with a secular culture aimed only at promoting its own agenda?
Needless to say, my demeanour reflects my displeasure. Empathetically I understand that my husband grew up in a culture centred around entertainment, while I’ve never owned a television in my life. I also empathise with mothers who need a break and the only option is Disney and the World Wide Web.
Thankfully, I, too, have a guide with whom I consult. She reminded me that my very own life motto of Joy Breaking Through All Barriers applies even to this “dire” situation. Thanks Frumma!
Surely, we can’t expect our children to appreciate the Divine if the Divine is the very source of our strife! We can’t inspire our children to Yiddishkeit if Judaism is what we’re fighting about!
It’s akin to teaching children how to be happy by being miserable!
Turns out, I needed a refresher.
To behold the sacredness of your home you have to model and preserve that very sanctity yourself. The same with mindfulness, gratitude, honesty, proper speech, respect, or any moral values you deem worthy of perpetuating.
Similarly, if you want your child to love that which is G-dly, G-dliness needs to be a source of joy for you.
Serving G-D with joy doesn’t only mean be happy when you’re doing a good deed. It means serve G-D by being Happy! Plain and simple. Thus, when you’re Happy. You’re serving G-D.
Now that you’ve thanked G-D for inviting you into His World as His guests, you can also ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
Oh you want me to keep the Shabbos? Sure.
Light the candles? With pleasure.
Put on the teffilfin? No problem. Whatever you need.
I will do whatever YOU need of me. Thank you for hosting me.
But if you’d rather do nothing at all for your host, the very least you can do is be happy (to be invited). Not walk around sulking. That’s what it means to be happy.
A valuable antidote to a generation prone to depression and self-entitlement.
Joy Breaks Through all Barriers.
A story is told about the Mitteler Rebbe who requested an elaborate celebration of enormous magnitude on a regular weekday, which was incomprehensible and uncharacteristic of the holy man.
His son who led the acrobatic performance on horses, fell in the midst of a stunt and crashed to the floor in pain. The Rebbe quickly called for medical aid but ordered that the celebration not cease but be continued.
Puzzled, one of his students wanted to know why the loving father didn’t attend to his son beforehand but only after the festivities?
To which the Rebbe explained: Joy has great healing powers.
The holy man saw that there was a Heavenly decree against his son, and he sought to mitigate it through a joyful celebration. When the young man was injured, he hoped that the decree was annulled and that continuing the celebration would speed in his recovery.
(Reshimos Devarim Vol 1, pp 94-5)
*As an update, I’m happy to announce my husband is today very much in alignment with the wisdom of his wife! (with occasional mishaps).